In Response to Lauren Cook's, "I Love Shopping"

"I say, hey man, the difference between me and you is that I can love something even though it is ugly." - I Love Shopping

Throughout reading, Lauren Cook's, "I Love Shopping" I found myself pausing to write out conversations I was having in my head in response to various passages. This does not mean that my writing reflects the authors book, intended themes, or the like. 

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I'm not a religious person. I guess if pressed I would say I'm spiritual but I hate liberals who say that. I don't want people to think I have a wall of dream catchers, or carry crystals in my pockets, or have a tattoo of a spirit animal which all feels like a gateway drug to anti-vaxxers. Carry pretty rocks in your pockets if you want to. There are worst things.

Perhaps I'm agnostic. I pray occasionally. I'm not very good at it. There's always so much doubt in my mind so I just light a candle and try to breath. I forget to breath a lot. Like, deep breathing. Intentional breathing. I'll get home from work after a day of appointments and realize I've been shallow breathing for most of the day though I guess you shouldn't have to think about breathing. Our animal mind should just do it, right? 

I'll light a candle and try to breath. I don't close my eyes because I have cats and they might light themselves on fire so I just kind of meditate on the flame and sometimes I touch the growing puddle of melted wax that surrounds the glowing wick. I don't really believe that any kind of god-like Daddy is listening or waiting for my call so I just try to manifest hope or something similar to hope as I peel the dried wax from my fingertips. 

I've thought about going to church lately. Not because I believe in the stories but it might be nice to be around other people without needing to talk to other people. Church gives you a script. Everyone gets one. There isn't a lot of improvisation at church. Does anyone there really believe in the mystical? I just assumed it was a bunch of angry city-agnostics who want a reason to get up in the morning, get dressed up, and maybe go to brunch afterwards. 

Is leaving your eyes open during prayer against the rules? Creepy? Like leaving your eyes open while kissing? You just don't do it. At least not all the time or you'll get a reputation. I guess I could take the opportunity to practice my praying. I'm not very good at setting aside time to do things purely for enjoyment or the sake of personal growth. I love winning. I don't think you can win at praying.